i am SO SO sorry about all the vent journals being posted //then deleted 5 minutes after// lately.
i've just been in a crappy mood this week.
also, NO this is absolutely not aimed at anyone. this is just how i feel in general about friends and such.
alright, i...have a problem with clinging to certain friends
it's not something im proud of, no
i've been dealing with this issue since the start of 2014, but it's starting to resurface again after me beating it down for the summer
i'm actually quite ASHAMED of it and this instinct of me to always latch onto my close friends can really REALLY get me into deep trouble sometimes
i dont think anyone knows this but
i am a very lonely person in life
i have no close friends from school, i find it a challenge to talk to my family, and it's even more difficult to talk to the people at my church
maybe that's the reason why i latch onto my internet friends so quickly??
i just feel like i text/message/skype them too much
i guess im just wanting to fill that void in my heart that longs so damn much for a friend...a guardian...a sister/brother...a role-model..
again, i am NOT proud of this at all
this is one of my most hated flaws and its the main reason why i haven't had any friends in the past
let me explain
i'd get a friend when i was younger, hang out with them, get a little too attached, and then after a couple months- bam
why? because i cared too much and hung onto that friend too long so, now i payed the price for it
this is another reason why i have a hard time making new friends and have the AWFUL habit of asking if im too annoying at times
im scared of loosing yet another friend
but...enough with my venting, let me ask you guys a question:
do you guys have any advice at how i can get my mind off of things like this so i can relax a bit more?
this whole "clinging to my friends" thing has been really bringing me down lately
i can't help but think about it and it's starting to make me feel even more insecure than ever because of it
it's come to the point where i only get 2 hours of sleep each night and i've even lost my appetite...i haven't eaten in 3 days
i also..honest to god...have cried like 5 times yesterday and 3 times today
this issue has been really deteriorating my health, i swear
i feel sicker and more tired as days go by..
im having an issue with myself clinging to friends lately, i need to learn how to stop, and get over my insecurity of feeling like im too annoying to some friends
i just need advice of how i can get my mind off of these troubles is all